I miss you.
Today was hard.
Hard as in, get out of bed hard.
Most of the day was spent watching tv, crying, and laying in bed.
Drinking diet coke.
It has almost been two years. But it has felt like a lifetime.
I still struggle to find happiness.
There is still an empty hole in my heart.
Crying is a regular past time.
I miss your laugh.
Your smell.
Your humor.
You.
For some reason I can't get those last few moments with you out of my head this week.
I think about our last night together, our last words, the last I love you's.
Then I cringe when I think about that Saturday morning.
And the blurr that came after that day.
I miss you terribly.
I sleep with the quilt of your clothes every night.
Sometimes I wish things could be different.
That you could still be here.
Everybody says everything happens for a reason.
I guess that was the case with our situation.
I wish you were here.
Desperately.
"A Dad is a Son's first Hero and a Daughter's first Love."
I wish he was here and with you and your family also. Owen will all the sudden start laughing and he is looking over where I cannot see and I will go look where he is looking and there is nothing but I say he is looking at the spirits and that spirit I think is your dad playing with Owen. It makes me happy. So sometimes I don't go look where he is looking and Owen just keeps laughing and making noises. It is sweet! One day your dad will play with your kids like he does Owen. I'll have to tell you a story later someone told me.
ReplyDeleteYou break my heart cute girl... LOVE you!
ReplyDeleteUm, that made me cry. I am lucky to have all three of my parents still alive (mom, dad, and stepdad), but it is hard to be away from them almost all year long. I sure miss my grandparents at times. I wish I could have spent more time getting to know them as individuals and just doing things together. I feel like I took them for granted terribly during their lives. I wish my husband could have known my grandpas. The strange thing is, they feel closer to me now than they ever did in life, so much so that it is almost overwhelming at times how powerfully I can feel them. It strengthens my testimony of the absolute reality of eternal nature of families and spirits. But I don't think even that knowledge would do much to temper my sadness at losing a parent. I truly dread that day, but cling to the hope that families truly are forever.
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